I met Matt and MD while volunteering with Street Samaritans, a nonprofit that provides food, hygiene products, clothing, and resources to unhoused Chicagoans. Matt was wearing a ‘Go To Therapy’ tee, which of course I commented on, and it sparked conversation where I learned the two co-host a podcast called Men in the Arena about their journey with therapy, living authentically, and growth. They’re both 27 and the discussions they’re having on their show and their self-awareness blew my mind. Matt invited me on to share my story- we touched on my decision not to have kids, not to have traditional relationships, and finding passion and purpose through pain.
Todd Adams is co-host of the Zen Parenting Radio podcast and I love the wisdom and vulnerability Todd brings to discussions about marriage, parenting, and partnership. Todd and I touched on genders roles, turning points, and building a tribe during our conversation.
ESTHER PEREL QUOTES REFERENCED:
“In many ways, it’s hard to know what it means to be a man these days. Never has there been more of an imperative to know what makes a man and less of a clear picture of how to become one. Vulnerability is seen as weakness and feminine, it’s also seen as a loss of power or control. Under patriarchy, you can be connected or powerful but you can’t be both. We idealize male vulnerability in theory then denigrate it in reality.”
“Over the past century, many women have had an opportunity to reexamine their identities and roles in society- men haven’t yet, per society and patriarchy, had those same opportunities. We put a lot of emphasis on male power but I think we have a lot more to learn when we examine men’s fear of powerlessness. You’ll never hear someone say, “Be a woman” or, “Woman up.” Femininity doesn’t need to be earned. Masculinity must be proven and can be instantly stripped away.”
“Probably one of the most painful plagues for men is humiliation. If women fear rape, men fear humiliation. And humiliation breeds shame and shame breeds contempt and the contempt is self-contempt and once there’s self-contempt, then you have the pathway to violence. And the violence can be physical or just misogynistic. But it’s, “I resent you for how you make me feel about me. You make me feel so small. And I can’t stand the power you have over me. And so I’m going to trample you so I can make you feel as small as you make me.”
Todd is a certified coach who supports men in their relationships, work, overall self-awareness, and life enjoyment. More at: https://zenparentingradio.com/
Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist with over 15 years of experience in trauma-informed therapy and a specialization in the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy. She is the Director of the Curry Psychology Group based on Newport Beach, CA.
Dr. Curry joined us to share:
What inspired her to pursue a career in psychology
Behaviors that predict relationship longevity and relationship rupture
Simple techniques used by master couples
The power of turning towards bids for connection
3 research-based tools to strengthen your relationships
The most meaningful and challenging aspects of her work as a forensic psychologist
Dr. Amelia Nagoski is the co-author of the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Amelia joined me to explain:
🔸Why it’s not enough to finish a stressful task to stop feeling stressed
🔸 What causes burnout & what it does to our bodies
🔸The flight, fight freeze hierarchy
🔸How we can move through stress cycles
🔸 The 6 ways to signal to our body that we’re safe
QUOTES REFERENCED
“Almost every biological system in our body responds to the chemical cascade activated by our emotions. People really want to believe that we’re cognitive, rational beings who occasionally feel, but the truth is we are emotional beings who occasionally think.”
“Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an unfinished emotion cycle. All emotions have a beginning, a middle, and an end. A lot of us are taught to believe that if we fix problem that caused the emotion, we’ve dealt with the emotion. It turns out that’s not true. You have to deal with the feelings, which is a separate step from dealing with the issue activating the emotion in your body. We’re taught to believe “You’ve dealt with the issue, so why do you still have all of these feelings? Your feelings should be done because the situation is done.” So we shove them down and they live in our bodies or some organ system and they metastasize.”
“You have to do something that signals to your body that you are safe or else you’ll stay in that activated state with neurochemicals and hormones degrading but never shifting into relaxation. Without that signal, your digestive system, immune system, cardiovascular system, reproductive system, and musculoskeletal system never get the signal that they are safe.”
Back by popular request, we’re bringing in Mike Thomas once again for a FB Live on self-regulation and co-regulation. Mike has over 20 years of experience working with groups and individuals with a trauma-informed, somatic approach that emphasizes nervous system regulation. In this conversation, Mike and I covered:
🔸 What the heck do we mean by self-regulation and co-regulation
🔸 How each are defined
🔸 Why one tends to be easier for people
🔸 The difference between co-regulation and codependence
🔸 Strategies for regulating solo or with a partner
🔸 Co-regulation role play (how to regulate our nervous system with a partner after conflict) at 38:00
CO-REGULATION STEPS
Share what you observed free from meaning or judgment
Mike Thomas has over 20 years of experience working with groups and individuals using a trauma-informed, somatic approach that emphasizes nervous system regulation techniques to deepen self-awareness and connection. Join Mike and Leah for a deep dive into the hidden dynamics that profoundly shape our ability to connect in romantic relationships.
In this candid conversation, Dr. Joli and Ken Hamilton sat down with Leah to talk through how common non-monogamy norms like having rules, practicing hierarchy, requiring permission-granting before physical intimacy, exercising veto power, and don’t ask don’t tell policies can feel like for the third person entering into an existing couple’s dynamic. Leah shared some of her personal experiences with the above and how they have shaped the types of open relationships she now explores.
Dr. Joli Hamilton is a certified sex educator who’s known for her TEDx talk on navigating jealousy in polyamorous relationships. She’s also the co-host of the podcast Project Relationship, along with her husband Ken Hamilton. More on Dr. Joli and her podcast at: https://open.spotify.com/show/35kIc9nIONuelMHetrQvWj
Joli sat down with Leah to discuss the steps couples can take before opening up their relationship, why relationship agreements are critical in all relationships- monogamous and consensually non-monogamous, the notion of poly aftercare, and why jealousy is a good thing.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary is one of the most paradigm-shifting, provocative voices on self-awareness, growth, and awakening. Join the therapist whom Oprah lauded as “revolutionary” for a deep dive into conscious relationships and deconstructing the cultural conditioning that traps us in inauthenticity.
LEAH MARSHALL 