Todd Adams is co-host of the Zen Parenting Radio podcast and I love the wisdom and vulnerability Todd brings to discussions about marriage, parenting, and partnership. Todd and I touched on genders roles, turning points, and building a tribe during our conversation.
ESTHER PEREL QUOTES REFERENCED:
“In many ways, it’s hard to know what it means to be a man these days. Never has there been more of an imperative to know what makes a man and less of a clear picture of how to become one. Vulnerability is seen as weakness and feminine, it’s also seen as a loss of power or control. Under patriarchy, you can be connected or powerful but you can’t be both. We idealize male vulnerability in theory then denigrate it in reality.”
“Over the past century, many women have had an opportunity to reexamine their identities and roles in society- men haven’t yet, per society and patriarchy, had those same opportunities. We put a lot of emphasis on male power but I think we have a lot more to learn when we examine men’s fear of powerlessness. You’ll never hear someone say, “Be a woman” or, “Woman up.” Femininity doesn’t need to be earned. Masculinity must be proven and can be instantly stripped away.”
“Probably one of the most painful plagues for men is humiliation. If women fear rape, men fear humiliation. And humiliation breeds shame and shame breeds contempt and the contempt is self-contempt and once there’s self-contempt, then you have the pathway to violence. And the violence can be physical or just misogynistic. But it’s, “I resent you for how you make me feel about me. You make me feel so small. And I can’t stand the power you have over me. And so I’m going to trample you so I can make you feel as small as you make me.”
Todd is a certified coach who supports men in their relationships, work, overall self-awareness, and life enjoyment. More at: https://zenparentingradio.com/
LEAH MARSHALL 